Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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