Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
