OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
