Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
