Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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