The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
