am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
