If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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