so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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