i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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