we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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