Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
