Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
