Pappa wants mamma naked
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
