Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
