I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
