just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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