I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
