She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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