i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
