LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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