Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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