How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
