I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
