Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize