Kiss
Puke
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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