His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
