I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
