i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
