The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
