My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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