If that was your dad, he is hot
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize