this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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