Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
