Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
