so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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