I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
