Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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