Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
