i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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