The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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