New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize