erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
