for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
