I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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