I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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