you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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