You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
