Pappa wants mamma naked
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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