Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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