Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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