There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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