If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
