mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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