Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm always down for nudity.
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