Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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