Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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