I wish my penis had an off switch
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
