I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
