my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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