it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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