She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
