Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
