you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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