at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
