So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
