I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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