So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
