Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
