Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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