brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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